Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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