Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
