And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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