oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
