You smell like stripper and shame
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
