He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
