ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
