Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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