I think scott just propositioned me for sex
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
