did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
