someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
