How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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