So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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