My first STD was from a foam party
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
