i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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