whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
