i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
