How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
