After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it's like iHOP with fire
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
