I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
