when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
