remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize