why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You need Xanax blowdarts
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
