I wish I only lived at night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
