You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
