I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
