Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
