Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
