I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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