I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
