dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
