my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
