I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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