you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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