you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
