I just saw a hot homeless man
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
