Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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