I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
