i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
