i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
