Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
