I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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