i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pants are for mortals
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
