honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
