I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
