You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
