I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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