So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
