I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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