If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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