Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
