dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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