Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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