Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
