I'm drive I can fine osifer
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
birth control should be required to get into college
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
