My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
