i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
