i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
