your parents love me but you hate me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
