having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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