dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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