Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
