it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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