And the cops told us we were all naked.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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