He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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