CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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