Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize