I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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