i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
