Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
