I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
