and you said cock pushups were impossible
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
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We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize