Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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