she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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